Read: John 11:1-45

John 11:19 tells us that, “…many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother.” The community that formed around Martha and Mary to comfort them gives us a suggestion of what we can do for one another as we mourn and handle death together.

Emerson Elementary, where I served as principal for six years, was a community of educators who supported one another and the families of the children we served. When my mother was dying of cancer, the teachers provided an evening meal for Ron, our two teenage sons, and me every night for two months freeing me to spend time with my mother. What an example of support!

“Five Wishes” is a living will document that encourages consideration of the kinds of support you want when you are dying. Wish #4 gives us as a faith community some useful suggestions: Visit me; sit next to me and hold my hand; be cheerful and not sad; pray for me both in person and when we are apart; and play music. In my document, I have requested Taizé chants, especially Nada te Turbe (Nothing Can Trouble).

Ron is a Hospice Volunteer, and one of the options is “respite care” which provides a volunteer to sit with the patient so the primary caregiver can be free to do something else. One grateful husband and wife expressed that they had not been able to go grocery shopping together for over a year.

Dear God, we thank You for giving us a community that allows us to participate in healing and restoring your world. We thank you for giving us options to support one another and words to say when we don’t know what to say. Amen.
-Cathey Frederick

Read: John 11:1-45

What strikes me most from this Gospel, other than the obvious of Jesus raising Lazarus, is the familiarity of the scene that John sets. John makes a point for us to recognize that “… many of the Jews had come to Martha and Mary to console them,” and that “… when the Jews who were with her in the house, counseling her, saw Mary rise quickly and go out, they followed her, supposing that she was going to the tomb to weep there.”

That scene is so familiar to all of us when death arrives in our lives. The people who love us most, and those who also love the deceased, surround us to support us in our grief. There is a ritual in this process that carries through all of time. Can’t you smell the good food that their friends brought to share (maybe even a casserole or two?)? Can’t you hear the gathered friends crying together, telling stories of their friend, sometimes laughing at a funny anecdote, the silence that sometimes falls among them as they ruminate on their own memories? They are all here to grieve together and to wrap Mary and Martha in their love as they are truly suffering the loss of their dear brother.

Two weeks ago, my 23 year old daughter lost a close friend to suicide. Like Mary and Martha, my daughter is in extraordinary pain over this loss. Right now, she finds it difficult to even put one foot in front of the other, but I have been observing how she and her friends are figuring out how to mourn, discerning which rituals they need to get each other through. They have spent hours on social media talking about their friend. Now they are planning a small and intimate memorial for them to get together at a beach and hang out doing crafts together, as crafting was one of their friend’s favorite things to do.

This community of mourners is coming together to grieve, to console, to counsel, and to begin to heal. I imagine there will be tears, laughter, silence, and food. As it should be.

Lord, whether it is my time to mourn or to be with those who mourn, send your loving and healing spirit into everything I say and do. Amen.
-Charlotte Burnham

Read: John 11:1-45

I imagine most of us, young and old alike, have mourned the loss of someone dear to us. After that, the “if only” wishes sometimes begin. “If only” I had called, visited, hugged, kissed, said “I love you” one last time. We wish for something different, not so final.

When my mother died, I was 3000 miles away. ‘If only’ I had been with her. Our children were with her and I’m grateful for that. Still, I wrestled with the ‘if only’ thoughts. Bye-and-bye, I remembered the happy times when we talked over everything in the world – school, boys, duplicate bridge, marriage, my babies, her grandbabies!

Just imagine the dizzying swing of emotions experienced by Mary and Martha when their friend Jesus raised their brother Lazarus from the dead. They mourned their brother’s death and then experienced such shocking joy just four days later. My own experience with rejoicing in the memories of my mother took longer than four days, but I got there. Thanks be to God.
-Sue Shepherd