Read: Hebrews 10:16-25

“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful…” – Hebrews 10:23

My plans for New Year’s Eve 2023 involved putting my bullet journal together and watching TikTok or YouTube videos. Instead of doing that, I spent the evening crying after finding out that Julie, one of my “Montana moms” had passed away. She had been one of the people I was closest to during my former husband Jon’s pastorate in Montana, and she was one of the people who dropped everything to make sure Jon and I were cared for when Daniel was born prematurely. She and her husband John were at the hospital with me the day after Daniel was born when I was trying to come to terms with his birth and the trauma of what had happened. When another parishioner decided to call me and yell at me for daring to go home from the hospital for a night to gather my wits after spending six days inpatient because I almost died, Julie was one of the people who rose to my defense and kept that person from getting near me until Daniel was finally able to come home two months later. I haven’t been able to return to Montana since I moved away almost 14 years ago, but Julie and I kept in touch over Facebook, email, and through cards. Her passing hit me hard, and I am a month into coping with my grief as I am writing this. Unless you happened to see my Facebook post on New Year’s Eve asking for prayer for her family, you would not know that I am dealing with this because I have been grieving very quietly.

The epistle reading for today, Hebrews 10:16-25 talks about how God remembers our sin no more and exhorts us to spur each other on to good works and not neglect to meet together… but verse 23 was what stood out to me as I thought about what brings me hope from the passage. I have talked in past Good Friday pieces since 2018 about how the Cross is our good news, how this is where the rubber meets the road in terms of my faith, that all is lost if I do not believe that Jesus dying on the Cross meant that death is not the final answer, and I am here to tell you that I still need people to remind me of all of these things. I need the reminder that God is faithful and that I will see Julie again. I need the reminder that God’s Son died on Good Friday, and this means that our God understands grief. In the meantime, I am clinging to the hope that the spasms of grief that pop up at inopportune times are going to subside one of these days.

Lord Jesus Christ, by your death you took away the sting of death: Grant to us your servants so to follow in faith where you have led the way, that we may at length fall asleep peacefully in you and wake up in your likeness; for your tender mercies’ sake. Amen. (BCP, p. 504)
-Jen McCabe

Read: 1 Corinthians 11:23-26

“For I received from the Lord what I also delivered to you, that the Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it, and said, ‘This is my body which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.’ In the same way also the cup, after supper, saying, ‘This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.’” – 1 Corinthians 11:23-25

Most of us hear these words (or at least similar ones) every Sunday when we come to worship. Those of us who have been Episcopalian for a while could probably recite them in our sleep. We will commemorate the institution of the Eucharist tonight during Maundy Thursday worship, take the Eucharist, and then we will read Psalm 22 as we strip the altar. We go from celebration to solemnity in a matter of minutes.

As much as it would probably seem like we are having an ecclesiastical mood swing, this is what happened almost 2000 years ago tonight. Jesus and his twelve closest friends got together to celebrate the Passover seder, then they headed to Gethsemane, where he prayed in the garden, begging God to not make him go through with the crucifixion. As important as it is that we celebrate the Eucharist every Sunday, it is equally important that we remember this time every year because we are remembering that Jesus is fully human in addition to being fully divine. His fully human side did not want to go through a horrifically painful death alone. It gives me hope in those times when I am terrified about what is coming next to know that Jesus went through it too. It gives me hope to know that Jesus praying those agonizing prayers brought him to a place of acceptance, something that I would hope to find as well.

Gracious God, be with us in those times when we are terrified of what is coming next. Help us to remember that Jesus also had those times of fear, one of them right after he had a time of celebration with his friends. Amen.
-Jen McCabe