“I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the sharing of his sufferings by becoming like him in his death…” – Philippians 3:10

Thirteen years ago today, at 3:47 a.m., my son Daniel was born by emergency c-section at 29.5 weeks gestation. I had developed HELLP Syndrome, a nasty variant of preeclampsia (a pregnancy complication), and both Daniel and I would have died if they had not delivered him immediately. I was completely blissed out during my first 24 hours of motherhood due to all of the medications I was on to save my life, but everything became very real once all of those medications wore off. I then spent the rest of my weeklong hospital stay suffering from PTSD from the trauma surrounding the birth situation as well as postpartum depression (PPD). My mother had flown up to Montana from northern California to be with me, and it was really hard for me when she left the hospital each day. My former husband Jon and I spent the next two months commuting two hours each way to and from Great Falls to visit Daniel in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) as he finished growing and developing enough to come home.

When I was ready to come back to work to conserve part of my maternity leave, my primary care physician made the mistake of letting me read my surgical report. At that point, I learned exactly how close I had come to dying that night, and I was really angry at God. I had tried to eat the best I could while pregnant, had changed up my medication to avoid things that would hurt Daniel, and had really tried my best to stay healthy. Yet, I had multiple serious respiratory viruses, strep throat, and they had done a chest x-ray for bronchitis the night my HELLP Syndrome went into overdrive. Why had I been forced to suffer so much?

It turns out that my HELLP Syndrome was likely a genetic issue because they had been watching my mother for preeclampsia when she was pregnant with my twin brother and me. We found out 10 ½ years later that I have a clotting issue that is stress-activated, and that probably contributed to why I was so immunosuppressed during my pregnancy. Emotional healing came when I got involved with the Promised Walk for Preeclampsia in 2011, and I became the survivor speaker for the San Jose event in 2014. I started being vocal about what had happened to me, and the lives of a few of my friends were saved when they were diagnosed early and able to get as close to full-term with their kids as possible. Knowing that other people avoided my fate because they knew the symptoms helped me to find a context for dealing with my suffering.

Lord, you suffered on the Cross so that death would not be the end for us. Be present with us in our sufferings and help us to know that you understand the pain we feel. Amen.
-Jen McCabe

“But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ.” – Philippians 3:7

Janis Joplin famously sang that “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.” She was singing about her relationship with Bobby McGee, of course, and noted how she had shared her soul with him. It’s a love song, and we learn she’s been abandoned by her dear Bobby. I find myself contrasting that with a scene in Jurassic Park where Dr. Grant, the dinosaur expert, takes the park’s owner’s grandchildren under his wing. They had been abandoned by the lawyer who was supposed to watch out for them. Young Lex says, “He abandoned us. He left us!” and Dr. Grant responds, “Yes he did, but that’s NOT what I’m going to do.”

The proof of the pudding is in the tasting, they say, and it’s true. Grief finds us all. I don’t like to bemoan the fact my mother abandoned our family when I was a young lad, but she did. I don’t like to bemoan the fact that I have occasionally been tossed under the bus by those charged with taking care of “their” people, but I have. People and events conspire to beat us down, and there are times I can feel the tendrils of so-called good intentions twisting ‘round my heart, constricting it, squeezing it, and twisting it with some sort of perverted pleasure. Like Jesus on the cross, I want to cry out, “God, my God, why have you abandoned me?”

But then I look into those rich, brown, piercing eyes of the One who steps out from the tomb and says, “I haven’t. I haven’t abandoned you.” I see tears streaming down his blood-streaked face and realize he has taken my pain upon himself, that what I had thought to be “unbearable,” was made bearable precisely by his act of love in life and on the cross, from the cradle to the grave. Suddenly, resurrection has brought healing so that, despite all else, it is now truly well, with my soul.

God, it is so easy to try to fill the void of abandonment with the accretions of accomplishments, but nothing can fill the void of the God-shaped hole in my heart except you. So help me move aside all things – good and bad – so that you may come in to continue the work begun in Christ to make this soul a home fit for you. Only then will it ever be well with my soul. Amen.
– Fr. Keith Axberg

“Yet whatever gains I had, these I have come to regard as loss because of Christ.” – Philippians 3:7

“Whatever gains I had, these I have come to regard as loss because of Christ.” I certainly can’t present as sterling a set of credentials as Paul…but I think I can come pretty close. I was born in America in the mid-20th century — a true child of empire. More to the point, I was born white, male, and of Protestant northern European ancestors. That’s a whole lot of privilege, and having traveled the world, I have had a visceral appreciation of its value. That said, the example of Christ is a constant reminder that my “righteousness” comes not from the circumstances of my birth and background, or even what I have been able to accomplish because of them, but comes instead through “straining forward” in my effort to live into the Gospel message.

Lord, in the midst of my worldly striving, keep me ever mindful of the surpassing value of knowing you, Christ Jesus my Lord. Amen.
-Michael Boss

“Not that I have already obtained this or have already reached the goal; but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.” – Philippians 3:12

June 10, 1969 – our second wedding anniversary. It was a time of great tumult in our country with antiwar sentiment running strong. I was a Navy wife, and my husband was in Vietnam. Needless to say, I keenly felt the conflict that was going on in our country and I missed my husband!

We had been fortunate that he received a deferral to finish his master’s degree, so we spent our first married year living, studying, and in my case, teaching, in Norman, Oklahoma where we had met and married. Now, I was in Florida, and he was hal
f a world away. Unlike today, when communication can be instantaneous, letters took weeks to arrive. And yet, it was well with my soul.
Jesus had truly made me His own as, shortly after our arrival in November of 1968, I was hired by Jacksonville Public Schools as a traveling music teacher. I was responsible for three schools, one on the base where I saw the students once every two weeks, one in Neptune Beach where I was the token white teacher in an all-black school and saw the students weekly, and one in an inner-city Jacksonville mixed neighborhood that had been split by the freeway and I saw the students weekly. From the standpoint of teaching the students music, it was not an ideal situation, but it kept me busy and involved. In addition, the principal at the inner-city school recruited me to teach GED math and English to a delightful group of adults who made me a part of their learning community.

I truly felt that all was well with my soul on Sunday mornings at St. Paul’s by the Sea in Jacksonville Beach. Every Sunday, the service concluded with the sung prayer, Eternal Father, Strong to Save. A whole community was praying for my husband.

Jesus, thank you for helping us move forward with our goals and for making us your own. Thank you for blessing our marriage and helping us to share your love with the world. Amen.
-Cathey Frederick

“I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the sharing of his sufferings by becoming like him in his death.” – Philippians 3:10

Reading the options for this reflection, I used the Bible I received in 1975 when I was a freshman in college. Next to Phil 3:10 I have written in the margin, “life verse, 1/8/78”. Well, that made my choice for this meditation pretty easy!

I want to present two aspects of this verse that have shaped my life over the last 44 years.

First, the second word of this verse, “want” captures my attention. My “wants” have shaped how I use my heart and mind. Wanting to know Christ, has shaped my heart both inside and outside, with a love for myself and others. Wanting to know Christ, has shaped my mind with a sweet paradoxical receptivity to what I know and what I don’t know.

Second, the juxtaposition of imitating Christ in both His resurrection and sufferings has helped me respectfully hold together all the realities of my life. When things go right, it is not that I have found favor with God and when things go wrong it is not that I have found disfavor with God. Rather, life is a mixture of resurrection and suffering experiences, and in both Christ has provided a path for me to follow.

My husband and I have been streaming a series called “This Is Us” for the last few months. It portrays the complexities of family life in all its ups and downs with great compassion and insight into how the downtimes often lead to the up times. I recommend it.

My desire to know Christ makes all the people and all the circumstances of my life a means “to become like him”.

Loving God, as we hold on to You in the ups and downs of our lives, we offer You use of our hearts and minds. Amen.
-Sharon Weldon

“So if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new. All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting the message of reconciliation to us.” – 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Reconcile 1. To reestablish a close relationship between. 2 to settle or resolve. 3. To bring oneself to accept. He finally reconciled himself to the change. 4. To make compatible or consistent. Reconcile my way of thinking with yours.

The very good news in 2 Corinthians is, in Christ, there is a new creation; everything has become new. The first thing to notice is that God has reconciled us to God’s self. Exactly where many of us are stuck. “Why did God let XXXX suffer so?” “There is terrible cruelty all over our world and why doesn’t God seem to care?” ”Where is God when I’m wounded? – why doesn’t God heal our pains?” But St. Paul assures us that we are beloved by God. Can we accept that?

And now God “has given us the ministry of reconciliation!” That’s a lot to handle. But to repeat: God has made a new creation in Christ – and it’s us! The good gift is, we are reconciled with God. God wants us to know God’s love. God is welcoming with open arms. The only barriers are on our side, not God’s.

And yet many of us, even if securely reconciled with God, are still dealing with the next step. God is “entrusting the message of reconciliation to us.” That’s our work now. I have a hard time living up to God’s exalted expectations for us. But then, so did St. Paul. Reading through Paul’s letters, there are multiple instances of times the gospel teams break up and reshape themselves over weighty disagreements and differences– even Peter and Paul had to work hard to negotiate a way to be faithful to God’s call, to reconcile – and it wasn’t always amicable!

Reconciliation, while godly, is not as easy as we might hope. The work goes on. It’s our work. How are we doing?

Dear Lord, Please draw us nearer to you in Christ, and guide us in the holy work of reconciliation. Amen.
-Tom Worrell